As A Parent Is Being Flexible The Same Thing As Being Permissive?

"You need to be flexible in your handling of discipline with your child." "Are you kidding, I refuse to be one of those permissive parents. I want my child to know how to follow necessary rules."
When faced with differences in concepts or terminology, I find it helpful to go to a dictionary. It is important to clarify for ourselves the core differences in concepts that are related to our role as a parent.
These two terms: flexible and permissive, are often perceived as similar if not the same. Some parents shy away from being flexible for fear that there will be a loss of control. However, being flexible is being adaptable. Permissive implies excess.
It is understandable that parents would be cautious about excess. Children need limits and a sense of order. It is, however, possible to maintain order and have healthy limits and at the same time be flexible. The need to be flexible relates to how children keep an open mind and have open communication. If you are flexible, there will be openness from your child and more willingness to cooperate with you.
Children become resistive when they sense their parents are being rigid. Life is a series of give and take and learning this process begins at home. They may also become resistive if they sense you are anxious. Underneath this anxiety your child sees an opportunity to gain control. It becomes a chain reaction when a parent is rigid or anxious about changes. Parents hold the key to avoiding this chain of events.
Remain confident in your basic structure of discipline. Do not worry about becoming permissive when you adapt to changes in your children. They will be changing constantly. Adapting to those changes is up to you. Being flexible is not the same thing as permissive.
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