"You need to be flexible in your handling of discipline with your child." "Are you kidding, I refuse to be one of those permissive parents. I want my child to know how to follow necessary rules."
When faced with differences in concepts or terminology, I find it helpful to go to a dictionary. It is important to clarify for ourselves the core differences in concepts that are related to our role as a parent.
These two terms: flexible and permissive, are often perceived as similar if not the same. Some parents shy away from being flexible for fear that there will be a loss of control. However, being flexible is being adaptable. Permissive implies excess.
It is understandable that parents would be cautious about excess. Children need limits and a sense of order. It is, however, possible to maintain order and have healthy limits and at the same time be flexible. The need to be flexible relates to how children keep an open mind and have open communication. If you are flexible, there will be openness from your child and more willingness to cooperate with you.
Children become resistive when they sense their parents are being rigid. Life is a series of give and take and learning this process begins at home. They may also become resistive if they sense you are anxious. Underneath this anxiety your child sees an opportunity to gain control. It becomes a chain reaction when a parent is rigid or anxious about changes. Parents hold the key to avoiding this chain of events.
Remain confident in your basic structure of discipline. Do not worry about becoming permissive when you adapt to changes in your children. They will be changing constantly. Adapting to those changes is up to you. Being flexible is not the same thing as permissive.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Carol_Sue_Smith
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Friday, January 11, 2008
How to Stop Your Child From Biting Others
Parents are often dismayed and outraged when a playmate at daycare or on the playground bites their child. If your child is the biter, feelings of despair, anger, and helplessness may lead to a series of ineffectual punishments and interventions. What can you do to discourage your little biter?
The Root of the Problem
Toddlers often bite out of frustration or anger. If their basic needs such as hunger, thirst, toileting, naptime, and attention from an adult are unmet, the resulting frustration brings on a bite. Meeting these basic needs puts a stop to many occurrences of biting.
Countless children bite playmates during altercations over a toy, a snack, a pacifier, or a position on an adult's lap. It is a defensive, self-protective action. Teaching the child to deal with his feelings in an acceptable manor ends this type of biting.
Some children bite as a way to bully others. This is a behavior problem exhibited by strong willed children. Prompt intervention is required. Firmly explain to the child that this is not acceptable behavior and that you will not tolerate biting.
Intervention
It is important to address every biting occurrence. Waiting to intervene until a behavior pattern develops makes putting a stop to biting harder for you and the child.
• Firmly tell the child that biting is not nice and that he is not to do it again.
• Provide immediate consequences for the behavior. Remove the child from the play area. Initiate a time out or withdraw a favorite snack, privilege, or toy. Be sure that the child is aware that the punishment is a direct result of biting. Ask them why the punishment occurred so they have clearly understood it's because of biting. Provide reminders that further biting will result in undesirable consequences.
• Instruct the child to apologize for biting. Explain that biting hurts both physically and emotionally.
• If biting occurs with an older child, ask the child why they felt the need to bite. He or she may be able to tell you what feelings or actions led up to the incident.
• Teach your child constructive ways to deal with frustration and feelings of anger. Have them kick a ball outside, talk about their feelings, switch activities, or seek out the soothing comfort of a favorite toy or blanket.
• Provide praise and reward for every instance your child handles a period of frustration or anger without biting.
• Be consistent with punishment for biting. Instruct other caregivers what to do when biting occurs and create a unified front. Never allow biting to slip by unpunished.
• Biting your child is not recommended. This models unwanted behavior and confuses the child. If it is OK for you to bite him, why is it unacceptable for him to bite another child?
You can stop biting behavior with consistent, early intervention. Set clear behavior expectations and understandable, age-appropriate consequences for biting. Balance punishment with positive praise when your child chooses to react appropriately instead of biting.
Find helpful and creative ideas for parents and grandparents while you shop our great selection of dependable kids furniture and classic toys. Visit http://www.themagicalrockinghorse.com/ today!
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Lily_Morgan
The Root of the Problem
Toddlers often bite out of frustration or anger. If their basic needs such as hunger, thirst, toileting, naptime, and attention from an adult are unmet, the resulting frustration brings on a bite. Meeting these basic needs puts a stop to many occurrences of biting.
Countless children bite playmates during altercations over a toy, a snack, a pacifier, or a position on an adult's lap. It is a defensive, self-protective action. Teaching the child to deal with his feelings in an acceptable manor ends this type of biting.
Some children bite as a way to bully others. This is a behavior problem exhibited by strong willed children. Prompt intervention is required. Firmly explain to the child that this is not acceptable behavior and that you will not tolerate biting.
Intervention
It is important to address every biting occurrence. Waiting to intervene until a behavior pattern develops makes putting a stop to biting harder for you and the child.
• Firmly tell the child that biting is not nice and that he is not to do it again.
• Provide immediate consequences for the behavior. Remove the child from the play area. Initiate a time out or withdraw a favorite snack, privilege, or toy. Be sure that the child is aware that the punishment is a direct result of biting. Ask them why the punishment occurred so they have clearly understood it's because of biting. Provide reminders that further biting will result in undesirable consequences.
• Instruct the child to apologize for biting. Explain that biting hurts both physically and emotionally.
• If biting occurs with an older child, ask the child why they felt the need to bite. He or she may be able to tell you what feelings or actions led up to the incident.
• Teach your child constructive ways to deal with frustration and feelings of anger. Have them kick a ball outside, talk about their feelings, switch activities, or seek out the soothing comfort of a favorite toy or blanket.
• Provide praise and reward for every instance your child handles a period of frustration or anger without biting.
• Be consistent with punishment for biting. Instruct other caregivers what to do when biting occurs and create a unified front. Never allow biting to slip by unpunished.
• Biting your child is not recommended. This models unwanted behavior and confuses the child. If it is OK for you to bite him, why is it unacceptable for him to bite another child?
You can stop biting behavior with consistent, early intervention. Set clear behavior expectations and understandable, age-appropriate consequences for biting. Balance punishment with positive praise when your child chooses to react appropriately instead of biting.
Find helpful and creative ideas for parents and grandparents while you shop our great selection of dependable kids furniture and classic toys. Visit http://www.themagicalrockinghorse.com/ today!
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Lily_Morgan
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Parenting Angry Children - Seven Easy Ways to Transform From Reactive to Respected Parent
Children with ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder), ODD (oppositional defiant disorder), bipolar, autism, Asperger's syndrome, and PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Disorder - Not Otherwise Specified), can be very difficult. If your child has one of these conditions, he may try to push your buttons so you lose control and he wins. The only way out of this gridlock is to develop some refusal tactics of your own.
Adopt these winning tactics that soothe your child and elevate your parenting style:
1. Refuse to argue. Your child's first line of defense (and distraction from the real issue at hand) is to start an argument. Counter his defensive tactic with your calm logic.
For example, if you child doesn't want to do the dishes, he may say, "I didn't eat any of that stupid dinner so I'm not doing the stupid dishes." You can say, "I hear you. The chore chart shows clearly that you wash dinner dishes this week. Please start now." If you weaken and argue, he wins.
2. Refuse to cater, coddle, or pamper your child when he is disagreeable. Otherwise he'll think, "I must be the prince, and you must be the doormat. Why else would you cater to me when I treat you lower than the rattlesnake's belly?"
Your child's second line of defense may be to throw a tantrum or act out.
This is a control tactic plain and simple. Your child can control this. Counter his defensive tactic by withdrawing your attention. Calmly clear other children, pets, and breakables from his tantrum area, and move to another room. Without attention, he will get bored quickly with his tantrum.
3. Refuse to get emotionally overwhelmed. If you get overwhelmed, say "I need five minutes to decide what to do with you." Calm down and return in exactly five minutes. That's modeling self-control. (And you win.)
4. Refuse to raise your voice. If he's out of control, try whispering. If he unnerves you enough that you raise your voice, he wins again.
5. Refuse to beg, bribe, or nag. Or your child will think you're weak, and he wins. Praise him when you catch him being good. And give him a chance to win by improving his behavior.
6. Refuse to hit, spank, or threaten. You already know that these methods do not work. Your child sees your attempt to use these methods as weakness (and he wins again).
You need to motivate your child to improve his behavior and win your praise and attention.
You can remote control your child's behavior with a token system, also called a behavior chart.
The secret is to find one that is easy to use. Some are too complicated.
7. Refuse to hold grudges or gripe about the past. It's impossible to change the past, so it's unfair for you to harp on it. If you do, your child is entitled to have a tantrum. (And he wins.)
All you have is the present. What you do right now builds your future, and your child's, so make it count.
You Can Solve This.
Your calmer cooler response will be so surprising that your child will admire and respect your patience and strength of character. Then and only then will he trust you enough to learn from you. You both win.
I invite you to use these methods to transform quickly from reactive parent to surprisingly calm cool and collected parent worthy of attention and respect.
Copyright (c) 2008 Debra Sale Wendler
If you want to calm your challenging child, I invite you to claim your free child behavior-improving report "Three Easy Ways to Improve Your Child's Behavior Today!" You can download part one when you subscribe at http://www.adhdparentingtips.com/ It explains the methods I used to improve my son's ADHD/ODD behavior by 72% in 3 weeks. The sooner you start this, the easier it is to help your child. You can do this.
From Debra Sale Wendler - Respect Effect Mom and ADHD Parenting Success at http://www.adhdparentingsuccess.com/
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Debra_Sale_Wendler
Adopt these winning tactics that soothe your child and elevate your parenting style:
1. Refuse to argue. Your child's first line of defense (and distraction from the real issue at hand) is to start an argument. Counter his defensive tactic with your calm logic.
For example, if you child doesn't want to do the dishes, he may say, "I didn't eat any of that stupid dinner so I'm not doing the stupid dishes." You can say, "I hear you. The chore chart shows clearly that you wash dinner dishes this week. Please start now." If you weaken and argue, he wins.
2. Refuse to cater, coddle, or pamper your child when he is disagreeable. Otherwise he'll think, "I must be the prince, and you must be the doormat. Why else would you cater to me when I treat you lower than the rattlesnake's belly?"
Your child's second line of defense may be to throw a tantrum or act out.
This is a control tactic plain and simple. Your child can control this. Counter his defensive tactic by withdrawing your attention. Calmly clear other children, pets, and breakables from his tantrum area, and move to another room. Without attention, he will get bored quickly with his tantrum.
3. Refuse to get emotionally overwhelmed. If you get overwhelmed, say "I need five minutes to decide what to do with you." Calm down and return in exactly five minutes. That's modeling self-control. (And you win.)
4. Refuse to raise your voice. If he's out of control, try whispering. If he unnerves you enough that you raise your voice, he wins again.
5. Refuse to beg, bribe, or nag. Or your child will think you're weak, and he wins. Praise him when you catch him being good. And give him a chance to win by improving his behavior.
6. Refuse to hit, spank, or threaten. You already know that these methods do not work. Your child sees your attempt to use these methods as weakness (and he wins again).
You need to motivate your child to improve his behavior and win your praise and attention.
You can remote control your child's behavior with a token system, also called a behavior chart.
The secret is to find one that is easy to use. Some are too complicated.
7. Refuse to hold grudges or gripe about the past. It's impossible to change the past, so it's unfair for you to harp on it. If you do, your child is entitled to have a tantrum. (And he wins.)
All you have is the present. What you do right now builds your future, and your child's, so make it count.
You Can Solve This.
Your calmer cooler response will be so surprising that your child will admire and respect your patience and strength of character. Then and only then will he trust you enough to learn from you. You both win.
I invite you to use these methods to transform quickly from reactive parent to surprisingly calm cool and collected parent worthy of attention and respect.
Copyright (c) 2008 Debra Sale Wendler
If you want to calm your challenging child, I invite you to claim your free child behavior-improving report "Three Easy Ways to Improve Your Child's Behavior Today!" You can download part one when you subscribe at http://www.adhdparentingtips.com/ It explains the methods I used to improve my son's ADHD/ODD behavior by 72% in 3 weeks. The sooner you start this, the easier it is to help your child. You can do this.
From Debra Sale Wendler - Respect Effect Mom and ADHD Parenting Success at http://www.adhdparentingsuccess.com/
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Debra_Sale_Wendler
How To Get Children Interested In Reading
Most people already know the benefits of reading. People learn by reading. People also have fun and feel fulfilled by reading. As a person reads more and more, the person's literary skills improve. Reading makes people into better readers, writers, and speakers.
Unfortunately, children do not read much anymore. Because most people never get interested in reading as children, as adults they also do not read much. Some polls even say that the majority of people in the United States do not read anymore. You probably want your children to pick up the beneficial hobby of reading. Let me suggest a few ways that you can get children interested in reading.
Less TV - You can get children to read more by getting them to watch less TV. Children read less because they lazily waste their time rotting their mind in front of a TV--a behavior they usually pick up from their parents. Consider deciding not to have a TV, or at least do not have cable. Even if you do have a TV, watch less yourself because children model their behavior after the adults in their life.
Suggest Books That Would Interest The Child - You can also get children to read by helping them find books they like. You can do this by bringing the children to a library or book store and letting them pick out books that interest them. You can also suggest books about topics of interest to the child. For example, if you have a child who likes to play soccer, consider suggesting a book about soccer to the child.
Do Not Push Too Hard - If you try to force children to read, or if you otherwise pressure them to much, you will make them dislike reading. Try not to make reading seem like a chore. Instead, you want to get the children to read on their own free-will. You want them to read voluntarily because they see the fun and self-benefit of it. Forcing your children to read will make them into good slaves who like to obey orders, but it will not make them into good readers who like to read.
Teach Children To Read Well - Children will not want to read if they cannot do it or if they cannot do it well. People like to do what they do well. If you have a talent for singing, you would like to sing. In contrast, if you sing horribly, you will not waste your time embarrassing yourself at it. Children will want to read more if they feel like they read well. Teach them how to read better in a positive environment. Additionally, compliment their reading abilities so that they feel proud and confident of their reading abilities. If they feel proud and confident of their reading abilities, the children will want to read more.
Use those methods to get your children to read more. Also, feel free to think of more methods.
Whatever you do, good luck and have fun!
Scott Hughes owns and operates a website about books for readers at OnlineBookClub.org. You can discuss this article and reading in general at the Book and Reading Forums. It's completely free.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Scott_Hughes
Unfortunately, children do not read much anymore. Because most people never get interested in reading as children, as adults they also do not read much. Some polls even say that the majority of people in the United States do not read anymore. You probably want your children to pick up the beneficial hobby of reading. Let me suggest a few ways that you can get children interested in reading.
Less TV - You can get children to read more by getting them to watch less TV. Children read less because they lazily waste their time rotting their mind in front of a TV--a behavior they usually pick up from their parents. Consider deciding not to have a TV, or at least do not have cable. Even if you do have a TV, watch less yourself because children model their behavior after the adults in their life.
Suggest Books That Would Interest The Child - You can also get children to read by helping them find books they like. You can do this by bringing the children to a library or book store and letting them pick out books that interest them. You can also suggest books about topics of interest to the child. For example, if you have a child who likes to play soccer, consider suggesting a book about soccer to the child.
Do Not Push Too Hard - If you try to force children to read, or if you otherwise pressure them to much, you will make them dislike reading. Try not to make reading seem like a chore. Instead, you want to get the children to read on their own free-will. You want them to read voluntarily because they see the fun and self-benefit of it. Forcing your children to read will make them into good slaves who like to obey orders, but it will not make them into good readers who like to read.
Teach Children To Read Well - Children will not want to read if they cannot do it or if they cannot do it well. People like to do what they do well. If you have a talent for singing, you would like to sing. In contrast, if you sing horribly, you will not waste your time embarrassing yourself at it. Children will want to read more if they feel like they read well. Teach them how to read better in a positive environment. Additionally, compliment their reading abilities so that they feel proud and confident of their reading abilities. If they feel proud and confident of their reading abilities, the children will want to read more.
Use those methods to get your children to read more. Also, feel free to think of more methods.
Whatever you do, good luck and have fun!
Scott Hughes owns and operates a website about books for readers at OnlineBookClub.org. You can discuss this article and reading in general at the Book and Reading Forums. It's completely free.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Scott_Hughes
What Will You Do To Enhance Your Parenting In 2008?
The New Year is a time for forward planning. It is a wonderful opportunity annually to take stock of where your children are in their development and to think of what you, as a parent may need, to keep up with change as your child grows and matures. What changes have you noticed in your children over the last year? Is there something your children are doing that is challenging for you to deal with? Is there a parenting skill you would just like to know a bit more about?
Here are seven ideas to think about to enrich your parenting in the coming year, beginning with easy immediate things you can do, through to more intensive approaches, which can lead to meaningful and lasting change in your relationship with your child.
1 Read a parenting book or two this year. Read about issues that are relevant to you and your child or simply soak up information about the age-group of your child so you are prepared for the changes ahead.
2. Do some research on the internet. Government agencies often have terrific websites for parents including free downloadable tip sheets that can be very helpful. Other websites can be helpful too - but always be careful to check the authenticity of the site and its information.
3. Talk to your friends about parenting and your children's behaviours. This might seem a little obvious but it is a great way to understand whether your children are exhibiting normal behaviour for their age and to hear how other parents deal with it. This is something that mothers tend to do more than dads, so if you are a dad talk with your mates about what being a parent is like for you. It can be very reassuring to hear similar stories from other parents.
4. Join a support group. If your child has a particular special need, a support group can be very encouraging, while keeping you up to date with latest research and developments.
5. Attend some parent education classes. These classes offer interesting and up to date information about children or teenagers, particular parenting issues and how to handle them. Group workshops also have the advantage of parents linking in with other parents, which often allows them to appreciate that what they are experiencing is normal.
6. Attend some parent-coaching workshops. Parent-coaching allows even deeper change for the parent because parents are encouraged to look at their way of being with their children and to make individual change for closer relationships. The best coaches ask really thought provoking questions and allow the parent to come up with their own solutions. Like parent education workshops, parent-coaching workshops also have the advantage of connecting parents with other parents.
7. Have some individual parent-coaching. This is a powerful way to make deep and lasting change in your relationship with your child. Coaching can be offered face to face or over the phone, which is a wonderful option for busy modern day parents.
Whether you try one of these seven options or other ideas you may have to benefit your parenting; there will be two winners in 2008: you and your children.
All the best for your parenting in 2008. May it be a year where you continue to learn and grow in your ever changing and vitally important role.
Barbara Beccari is co-author of a beautiful children's picture book about respectful relationships. Barbara is co-founder of parentSCOPE, a parent-coaching business acknowledged for its innovation. parentSCOPE supports parents to have loving and close relationships with their children, from toddlers to teens. Check us out on http://www.parentscope.com.au/ to find out more.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Barbara_Beccari
Here are seven ideas to think about to enrich your parenting in the coming year, beginning with easy immediate things you can do, through to more intensive approaches, which can lead to meaningful and lasting change in your relationship with your child.
1 Read a parenting book or two this year. Read about issues that are relevant to you and your child or simply soak up information about the age-group of your child so you are prepared for the changes ahead.
2. Do some research on the internet. Government agencies often have terrific websites for parents including free downloadable tip sheets that can be very helpful. Other websites can be helpful too - but always be careful to check the authenticity of the site and its information.
3. Talk to your friends about parenting and your children's behaviours. This might seem a little obvious but it is a great way to understand whether your children are exhibiting normal behaviour for their age and to hear how other parents deal with it. This is something that mothers tend to do more than dads, so if you are a dad talk with your mates about what being a parent is like for you. It can be very reassuring to hear similar stories from other parents.
4. Join a support group. If your child has a particular special need, a support group can be very encouraging, while keeping you up to date with latest research and developments.
5. Attend some parent education classes. These classes offer interesting and up to date information about children or teenagers, particular parenting issues and how to handle them. Group workshops also have the advantage of parents linking in with other parents, which often allows them to appreciate that what they are experiencing is normal.
6. Attend some parent-coaching workshops. Parent-coaching allows even deeper change for the parent because parents are encouraged to look at their way of being with their children and to make individual change for closer relationships. The best coaches ask really thought provoking questions and allow the parent to come up with their own solutions. Like parent education workshops, parent-coaching workshops also have the advantage of connecting parents with other parents.
7. Have some individual parent-coaching. This is a powerful way to make deep and lasting change in your relationship with your child. Coaching can be offered face to face or over the phone, which is a wonderful option for busy modern day parents.
Whether you try one of these seven options or other ideas you may have to benefit your parenting; there will be two winners in 2008: you and your children.
All the best for your parenting in 2008. May it be a year where you continue to learn and grow in your ever changing and vitally important role.
Barbara Beccari is co-author of a beautiful children's picture book about respectful relationships. Barbara is co-founder of parentSCOPE, a parent-coaching business acknowledged for its innovation. parentSCOPE supports parents to have loving and close relationships with their children, from toddlers to teens. Check us out on http://www.parentscope.com.au/ to find out more.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Barbara_Beccari
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